9 Reasons Why Honesty Works

Honesty is a value which can make us feel vulnerable.  We can be honest with ourselves about who we really are, how we want to appear to others, or we can fake it and tell a series of little white lies.  I am sure most of all, nay, all of us will at some time in our lives have told lies of varying degrees to brush over a tricky situation, to protect ourselves from onslaught, to make ourselves seem more interesting than we think we are, to give us a feeling of empowerment.

Honesty can make us vulnerable, yet it helps us to grow and deepen our relationships Click To Tweet

Are little white lies harmless or should be we extolling the virtues of complete and total honesty?

9 Reasons Why Honesty Works:

People trust you

Does my bum look fat in this? How many times have we heard this being asked? So what is the best way forward?  Should we err on the side of compassion and kindness by telling our trusted friend a little white lie out of kindness?  Is this ok or not?

I have to admit I would find it difficult to answer honestly if the said booty was (in my opinion) a little expansive and the reason I would find it difficult is because I wouldn’t want to hurt my friend’s feelings.  However … If I was totally honest with her (or him!) it would allow our friendship to become deeper and more honest, as well as possibly being the nudge my friend needs to get into shape and lose a few excess pounds, which can only be for her or his benefit.

So while my white lie may help me feel less awkward for a few moments and my friend less concerned about the size of said posterior, in truth, does anyone really gain from this?  My friend also has a pair of eyes and if honesty is an important value, it may be clear that the bum does indeed look larger than hoped for.

Would you want an honest answer?

I think the best way forward with this sort of question is to ask yourself whether you would cherish an honest answer or not.  I know that I would and I would value my friend for having the guts to tell me the truth.  Also bear in mind, is the truth factual?  Remember that my answer is subjective. What may appear fat to me may not appear fat to other people.

If my friend sports a new haircut which I am not too fond of what should I say if asked about it?  Whether I like it or not is entirely subjective. I think in this instance, my compassion for my friend would outweigh my honest opinion.  Heck I sported an 80’s perm swiftly followed by a haircut which made me look as though I was suffering mange, so who am I to comment?

Honesty shows you care

Living a life with honesty means that you are willing to put your neck on the line and tell your friends and loved ones the truth.  Hiding the truth devalues what they mean to you as you hold back the truth which may enable them to grow as individuals, even if the truth may hurt.  A true friend will offer the truth in a kind and compassionate manner.  Offering the truth shows courage on your part, it can empower a relationship and fosters the growth of a relationship.  When you are perceived as someone who tells the truth, people will seek your advice and listen to you because they respect your value of honesty.

Living a life with honesty means that you are willing to put your neck on the line and tell your friends and loved ones the truth Click To Tweet

Honesty promotes integrity

Leading a life in honesty promotes a life with integrity.  When you are honest with yourself and to others, you align your life with your deeper values.  When you review your daily activities you can rest assured that the decisions and choices you have made are based on truth which promotes a sense of self-esteem, pride and satisfaction.  By being honest with yourself, you give yourself the power to be honest with others.

When you are honest with yourself and to others, you align your life with your deeper values Click To Tweet

Be a good role model

We bring up our children teaching them not to lie and that dishonesty is bad, that truthfulness is the way to go.  So how do we appear to them as role models when they catch us in the act of telling a lie, even if it’s a white lie?  We create confusion in our children’s minds which ultimately leads them to thinking they can also get away with lying.  Heck if mum or dad can lie and get away with it, why shouldn’t they blame the empty pack of biscuits on the pet dog?  By lying to our children or in front of our children, we corrupt the sense of security they have in us.

Honesty avoids mind reading

Being honest removes the risk of someone trying to work out how they’ve wronged you.  Despite our best intentions, by brushing issues under the proverbial rug, the problem will fester away until it becomes apparent that something is wrong.  And what’s worse, the initial hurt will probably have grown arms and legs as the initial resentment has been left to putrify.  By avoiding honesty you are not allowing the person who hurt you to understand your true feelings or to help you understand the reason behind the hurt in the first place.  You are preventing the relationship from growing and even risk it eventually falling apart.

When we hide the truth for fear of showing our true vulnerabilities we open up our reactions to misinterpretation. Click To Tweet

When we hide the truth for fear of showing our true vulnerabilities we open up our reactions to misinterpretation.  Honesty prevents someone having to try and second-guess what is wrong with us.  It also shows we value that individual and our relationship with him/her, promoting growth and self-expression.

 

 

The worst truth is better than the best lie

Lies hurt.  No matter how much you fear upsetting someone by telling them the truth, it will be no way near as much as you hurt someone if you lie to them instead.  By lying you are disempowering yourself and the person you are lying to.  By offering the truth, you are showing that person you value them.  Often the truth can eventually follow many previously told lies, which makes telling the truth all the more difficult, but do it.  It matters to you and it matters to them.

When I was at a particularly vulnerable stage of my life I was lied to continuously for several months by someone I trusted and whose opinion I valued.  Eventually the truth came out and while it hurt … lots … it helped to turn a devastating situation into something I felt able to deal with.  I value that person’s honesty and learned much from that situation that no matter how bad you think a situation may have become, the truth is always the best way forward.  For me it offered me freedom to make a choice based on the truth.  It also helped to heal a wound by offering me a sense of personal value.

Lying creates a vortex of deceit

When you tell a lie you are opening up a vortex of deceit which ultimately harms you as much or even more than the person your lie is directed towards.  When you tell a lie, not only do you have to try and remember what you said and the reasons you gave, you also devalue your integrity.

Telling lies whether to yourself or to someone else eats up your energy and creates an unstable future.  You deny yourself the opportunity for personal growth.  Being honest is so freeing.  People know where they stand with you, because they know you live your life with integrity.  Honesty promotes honesty which will enhance your relationships and help you live a life that is right for you as you remain true to your principles and values.

 

Nobody trusts a lier

Lying breaks trust in a relationship.  If a person finds out you’ve lied to them, the fact that you were not honest with them, devalues your worth in their eyes.  How will they know whether than can trust you again in the future?  What does it say about you? Lying is manipulative, and nobody wants to share their time with someone who is primarily motivated by suiting their own purpose. What’s more, lying harms the lier.  I have yet to meet a liar who has pride in him/herself.

I have yet to meet a liar who has pride in him/herself. Click To Tweet

 

Are white lies ok?

White lies often show a sense of compassion rather than a blatant intention to hurt or deceive.  If your lover buys you roses yet you prefer lillies do you say your preference?  Probably not, because he or she has made an effort to buy you flowers to show his or her love of you.  Next time you are out shopping together, you might pass by the lillies and say they are your favourite flower, which gives him or her the opportunity to buy those next time.

White lies are not OK when they hide a deeper problem.  If something is really bothering you, it is important to have it out sooner rather than later.  Remember to be kind with your honesty as far as possible.  Often when we’ve hidden a truth it can make us feel very vulnerable, even threatened, to find the courage to make that truth known.  We put ourselves on the line and face being judged or misunderstood.

Honesty requires courage

Remember that being honest takes a lot of courage.  If the individual you are opening up to truly values you, he or she will also value the fact that you have taken the step to be open and honest.  Likewise, if someone is opening up to you, let them speak and listen to what they are saying.  While a wrong may have been committed previously, you are being offered the truth and the ability to make a choice for the future.  That person is honouring you by giving you the truth, whether you want to hear it or not.

Honesty is when someone honours you by giving you the truth, whether you want to hear it or not. Click To Tweet

What causes you to lie?

Why do we lie?  There seem to be different degrees of lying from a simple white lie told in compassion, acceptance and love of another through to a manipulative and self-seeking lie whose intention is to deceive and disempower.

There are people whose lives revolve around telling lies, and they’re probably not the ones reading an article written by someone who tries to help people to live their best lives possible.  I “know” some of these people and think they probably also have psychopathic tendencies.  Psychopaths tend to be pathological liers.

But back to you.  Next time you are faced with the potential to lie, ask yourself  these questions:

• what is the pay off for you?
• what are you gaining?
• is it really helping the relationship with the person you are lying to?

Creating a safe space

Remember that when you tell the truth, you are making yourself vulnerable to others.  When offering honest feedback make sure that you are tactful when telling the truth which will help to generate a safe space for honesty.  It will help you to cultivate an atmosphere of genuineness and integrity which will lead to deeper relationships and an enhanced sense of wellbeing.

Honesty is good for you and good for those you communicate with.  Make it a regular habit to practice and enjoy the heightened sense of freedom, self-worth, reliance and integrity it offers you.

What do you think about lies?  Are white lies ok? How do you decide whether to tell a lie or to offer honesty?

 

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